I really miss my Dad and his wit, charm, and smile. I’m glad he taught me to be strong, to do what’s best and right, that I can do whatever I set my mind to, and the power and value of honesty and love. He always proudly exclaimed, “ You’re MY Daughter! You can do ANYTHING- ANYTHING you want!
I always felt so much better just talking to my Dad. It felt like just by sharing things with him, they’d magically get fixed. He may not have been able to fix all things all the time, but he fixed most things most of the time. Even if it was “just” listening, or “just” giving me the courage to make a decision I’d been thinking about for awhile or validating something I already knew to be true. It always helped hearing it from him.
Daddy was my hero, and it is so very hard to lose that kind of influence in your life. This world has lost a lot of luster for me without him in it. Daddy was kind and giving, even to strangers. Every day I wish there were more like him- more selfless, but every day I see more of the selfish rise. His smile lit up so many rooms and so many lives. For me, it is just the most unfortunate and heartbreaking of circumstances to have lost him and be left with so many of the opposites. I’m glad I have some wonderful people in my life to keep me and my heart from turning to stone because of this fact. It has definitely hardened me though. How could it not?
I miss holding his hand. I miss Daddy/Daughter Time, I miss his goofy laugh that he passed on to me, I miss our deep conversations, I miss sitting next to him at my Grandparents’ dinner table in our traditional spots, I miss picking him up for our Daddy/Daughter Dates, I miss getting his voicemail if I missed his call then him asking me if I called, because he didn’t always check them. I miss him leaving a voicemail for me if I missed his call. I miss his fancy clothes and shoes, for Daddy was always DRESSED for the most casual of occasions. I miss my friend, my Daddy, my mentor, my confidante, my heart, my rock, and my biggest cheerleader (well, I have some others too). I miss him so much. I miss most of all him calling me Darling. My Auntie still calls me that and it warms my heart that much more now.
This Father’s Day has been the toughest yet. I spent practically the whole first year in disbelief, shock, anger, and numbness. The second year I moved into acceptance, learning to manage through the difficult emotions, learning to “put up with people” when I really just wanted to be left alone, and figuring out what this new “normal” was for me. This is year three and it’s been the hardest by far. I miss my Dad more often and I’m sad more often. I think I understand a few of the reasons why this is, but it’s still tough. I think I’m just sad to know that it’s true that the pain never goes away. Thankfully, it is also true that it does get “easier.”
No amount of time will ever heal the void of the loss, but as time goes on, I learn new ways of coping with it and coping with how I see the world now as a result of it. It feels so unfortunate and tragic, and absolutely heartbreaking, but I’m fortunate he was my Daddy and always loved me. If there were 70 other people in a room, it was always me who mattered most to him. I miss the way he loved me. I miss the irreplaceable, simple, kind, gentle human this world ripped away too soon. I am grateful for fond memories to hold on to and fun memories to make me laugh instead of cry.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!
About the Author
Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have a zeal for life, a love of family and friends, nature, and a love of laughter. I frequently laugh myself into tears and it makes me laugh even harder. My best friends love this about me. I love music, travel, new experiences, the Arts, and taking photos to capture and share precious and unique moments. I'm an admitted-Selfie Queen thanks to one of my girlfriends (you know who you are). I love exercise, trying new restaurants and recipes, and I love to dance! I embrace my world fully and everything around me, and hold it all near and dear, as if it's the last time I'll see or experience any of it.